funny Facebook status ideas

Facebook has become a main and large part of our social life and we always keep on finding good and funny Facebook statuses, so as to  brighten up our social networking profile page. If you are looking for ideas about funny Facebook statuses then you have come to the right place. Here, you will find very funny Facebook statuses which are really awesome and your friends are definitely going to like them.

Here is the full collection of funny Facebook Statuses:

• X is “wondering what flavor milkshake “”brings all the boys to the yard”"”
• 1. Rules of me: . . . #1 I am always right . . . #2 Just in case I am wrong see rule #1.
  They call me superficial, but I just hear “super”.
• Decided to burn lots of calories today so I set a fat kid on fire!
• That awkward moment when you post a funny status on Facebook and someone has to ruin it by commenting being all serious!
• I just broke up with someone and the last thing she said to me was “You’ll never find anyone like me again!” I’m thinking, “I should hope not! If I don’t want you, why would I want someone like you!
• Roses are Red, Nuts are brown, Skirts go Up, Pants go Down, Body to Body, Skin to Skin, When it is Stiff, Stick it In, The Longer its In, The stronger it Gets, It goes in Dry, Comes out Wet, It comes out dripping,and it starts to Sag, Its not what you Think …its a Teabag!
• Do not ever laugh in the bathroom it will make people think ur playing with yourself 
• Roses are red, violets are blue, sugar is sweet, and so are you. But the roses are wild ,the violets are dead, the sure bowl is empty, and so is your head!
• Two crisps are walking down the road, A car stops and asks them if they want a lift, they say “No Thanks We’re Walkers!
• X says my computer just beat me at chess…but it was no match for me at kick boxing.
• woow break my heart steal my love well sorry to tell you now I am sailing away you lost me. now dont try to find me im gone goodbye see you later.
• Be nice to nerds, Chances are you will be working for them.
• Alcohol does NOT make you fat…it makes you lean…against tables,chairs,walls, floors and ….Ugly people!!!
• I am not convinced Bin Laden is dead! He just accepted my friend request!
• When I die, i`m gonna have a “like” and “dislike” button on my gravestone!
• Fish can drown dumbass. drowning means not being able to breath. Nothing to do with water!
• Boy: So, sex at my place?
  Girl: Yah!
  Boy: OK, but I sleep in a bunk bed with my younger brother and he thinks we’re making sandwiches so this is the code. Cheese= Faster. Tomato= Harder.
  Girl: OK?
  ~Later~
  …Girl: CHEESE CHEESE TOMATO CHEESE!
  Brother: Stop making sandwiches! You’re getting mayo all over my bed!
• Dance!  Dance god damn it! DANCE! DANCE LIKE YOU HAVE NEVER DANCED BEFORE! DANCE LIKE THEIRS NO TOMORROW! DANCE LIKE NOBODY IS PUTTING THIS ON YOUTUBE! 
• Your makeup looks like you have been gangbanged by crayola!
• Take life as it comes in your face and runs down your chin.
• Remembers the day when blackberry and apple were just fruit!
• If life is such a bitch , Why do 97% of Men Marry one ??
• I think it’s okay for dorks to stare at beautiful women. I mean, it’s not like they can see us anyway.
• I love how, in scary movies, the person yells out, “Hello?” As if the bad guy is gonna be like, “Yeah, I`m in the kitchen! Want a sandwich?”
• When you see a status saying; * just deleted heaps of friends off Facebook* reading it and feeling like Jesus
• I think it’s great that “Playing with your Wee/Wii” has 2 meanings! But only one is required to use two hands!
• Next time your “making love” try screaming your own name!
• I just found out my Grandpa has alzheimer’s…. He’s totally cool with it. He gets to meet new people everyday!
• You can steal my status updates if you like, but I lick every single one before I post them.
• You don’t have to like me, I’m not a facebook status!
• facebook = fail gcse’s but worth i!
• I had Voldemort around for curry and beer last night.. I woke up to find that the cheeky bugger had left a dark mark in the toilet..
• Life’s a bitch, if it were a slut it’d be so much easier.
• Just deleted 100 friends… if you are reading this congrats my friend
• Relationships are like Tom & Jerry: They tease each other, knock down each other, irritate each other, but can’t live without each other.
• Violence is not the answer only a temporary solution, read that on wikipedia somewhere!
• If the world was fair, Elvis Presley would still be alive and all the impersonators would be dead!
• *BLOND GOES TO THE DOCTOR TO FIND OUT IF SHE IS PREGNANT*
• Doctor: you are pregnant
• Blond: *smiles*
• Doctor: your having twins
• Blond: *cries*
• Doctor: is not that good?
• Blond: I do not know who the father is for the other baby
• Doctor: ……
• People say that love is in every corner……gosh! maybe I am moving in circles..
• There are 10 kinds of people in the world, those who understand binary and those who don’t.
• Last Night I Dreamt I was Eating A Giant Marshmallow……..When I Woke Up My Pillow Was Gone!
• I learned that if life gives u melon, then ur prolly dyslexic.
• Nobody dies a virgin, life fucks everyone.
• I eat 1 skin, u eat 2 skin, i eat 3 skin,… what do u eat?
• I know three facts about you, one you can’t say M without your lips touching, two your trying it now and you look like an idiot alien, three now your smiling.
• I tried to log on to Facebook. It said, “Cookies are required to operate.” I thought to myself, “Me too, Facebook. Me too.”
• http://www.funnyfacebookstatus.info/4/40-funny-facebook-status-ideas%20/